The webzine your parents and all respectable journalists warned you about has arrived...

THE CUT OUT BIN

...Sorry knockoff of a sorry Onion knockoff!!! Seriously, if you want
metal-related humor, go to Infernal Combustion. They seem to have folded
due to "journalistic differences,"* and this is my way of coping with
withdrawl. My goal is to be slightly amusing. If you wanted funny,
you've come to the wrong place.

*=Nope, they're back! Click the above link to read the current issue. Woo-hoo!

This webzine contains some bad fuckin' language. If you don't like that shit, if you like to talk about the need for small government
when what you really want is the thought police micromanaging every aspect of your life, if you think Democracy was a lousy
idea and common people can't be trusted with their own affairs, if you think the word "fuck" is, for some asinine reason,
worse than the word "copulate" and you think your children will be scarred for life if they read or hear it, read no further.

Oh, and please note the disclaimer at the end of each article:
ACTUNG!: What you just read is BULLSHIT!!! I made it up! Muchas gracias, merci boku,
yob tvoyu mat, kuti-kala wahhhalas...

Click here to email the asshole responsible for this mess

In this issue:
Dimebag Darrell interview!
A.C. go progressive (well, sort of...)
Dream Theater angst over high average age of audience
Parody 'zine editor calls for death of Infernal Combustion staff

TOP STORY:

RECORD COMPANY POLITICS DERAIL MAIDEN/PRIEST TOUR

After being on the verge of an historic co-headling, arena tour for the first time since
1982, the petty egos of Castle and Atlantic Records executives have put the Iron Maiden/Judas
Priet tour, a classic metal fan's wet dream, on ice.

"He didn't give me the respect I deserve," whined Tony Scarpetti of Atlantic Records, an
intelecually challenged 35 year-old man who somehow got into corporate upper management, about
his counterpart at Britain's Castle Recordings. "These new British labels really think they're
the shit, but they ain't nuthin' man, they ain't nuthin'."

Jon Parsons let out a stiff British sigh when told of this. "Bloody hell, these bloody
Yank upstart heavy rock labels think they bloody well know everything, like the rest of the
bloody Yanks. Present company excluded, of course." The polite Brit said.

Iron Maiden (above)

A meeting to close the deal on the Spring 2000 tour, at a secluded mansion in the
English countryside, turned ugly with insults (American and British), food, and finally punches
thrown. What was supposed to be a formality almost turned into a bloodbath after both sides
refused to sufficiently kiss each others' asses. Parsons chased Scarpetti and his secretary
(cat-fight footage available in Quicktime(TM) at www.mysoginist.com) out of the mansion,
firing his American made .45 at the escaping Ford Ka. Scarpetti, too stupid to learn to drive
a stick-shift, cried for his mother in the small back seat while Casandra the secretary made
the getaway; albeit in the wrong lane; in the worst tradition of British over-the-top comedy.

Castle and Atlantic, in their infinite wisdom, have booked Six Feet Under and System
of a Down (respectively) as openers, since classic metal fans just love that shitcore garbage,
and shitcore fans like classic metal. (not)

ACTUNG!: What you just read is BULLSHIT!!! I made it up! Muchas gracias, merci boku...