The webzine your parents and all respectable journalists warned you about continues...

THE CUT OUT BIN Volume 1, Issue 3

...Sorry knockoff of a sorry Onion knockoff!!! Seriously, if you want
metal-related humor, go to Infernal Combustion. They folded for a
couple months, and I did the first issue of this to cope with withdrawl.
I'm doing more just to annoy you. My goal is to be slightly
amusing. If you wanted funny, you've come to the wrong place.

This webzine contains some bad fuckin' language. If you don't like that shit, if you like to talk about the need for small government
when what you really want is the thought police micromanaging every aspect of your life, if you think Democracy was a lousy
idea and common people can't be trusted with their own affairs, if you think words like fuck, coger, and tvoyu mat are, for some
asinine reason, worse than a word like copulate and you think your children will be scarred for life if they read or hear them, read no further.

Oh, and please note the disclaimer at the end of each article:
ACTUNG!: What you just read is BULLSHIT!!! I made it up! Muchas gracias, merci boku,
yob tvoyu mat, kuti-kala wahhhalas...

Click here to email the asshole responsible for this mess

In this issue:
Geoff Tate: "Okay, we suck, there I said it!"
Kevin Moore to be open again?
Tony Iommi, Bill Ward announce Mythology reunion!

TOP STORY

DON KING ARRANGES OZZY OSBOURNE VS
RONNIE JAMES DIO PRIZE FIGHT!
Venerable singers to duke it out at Ceaser's Palace
     In an unprecedented move, Don King is arranging the
first boxing match (licensed, anyway) between rock stars
who have never before professionally boxed.  The contestants
are none other than longtime rivals Ozzy Osbourne and
Ronnie James Dio, known for their war of words after Dio
replaced Ozzy as Black Sabbath vocalist in 1980.
     "The whole thing was a sham!" Osbourne declared.
"Tony had met Dio, who was being managed by Don Arden,
Sharon's father, and we all knew what was going down.  I

was the one who was fucked.  Nobody would stand up and say,
'I think Tony Iommi's fucked...'" Ozzy continued to talk about
shit that has nothing to do with the upcoming fight.
     Ozzy did add, however, "At least my fucking wife is
average looking.  Dio married a fucking dog!  Have you seen
Ritchie Blackmore's wife?  I'd cheat on Sharon with her in
a bludy forking heartbeat!  Oops, uh, don't print that, okay?"

"You talkin' to me?  I don't see anyone else, so you must be
talkin' to me."  Dio (left) and Ozzy in a promotional photo for July's
fight.

     Ronnie James Dio, Don King, and Cut Out Bin Editor in
Chief T.J. Swoboda met in a medevial castle, where Dio took
a quick break from live-action Dungeons and Dragons to
talk about the upcoming fight.
     "It'll be like going to the edge of a rainbow, it's
only been an hour since he locked her in the tower, I'll
slay that dragon Ozzy, because the world is full of kings
and queens..."
     Don King added, "Only in America could a..." King
rambled off at least 20 racial slurs for African-Americans,
"like me arrange a fight between Black Purple...wait, what
the fuck are they called...singers with a multi-million
dollar purse.  Only in America..." A mechanical dragon then
breathed fire into Don King's hair.  Ronnie slew it, but it
was too late as King ran, afro aflame and screaming
obscenities, out of the dungeon.
     The prizefight between Ozzy and Dio will take place
on the Fourth of July at Ceaser's Palace in Las Vegas.
Anyone wearing a Tony Martin t-shirt will get in free,
and have half off lap dances (or pony rides) for the evening.

ACTUNG!: What you just read is BULLSHIT!!! I made it up! Muchas gracias, merci boku,
yob tvoyu mat, kuti-kala wahhhalas...