CUT OUT BIN CHIEF EXILED FOR METAL
TREASON!
Swoboda half-heartedly denies knowing all
the words to "Talk Dirty to Me"

     On June 1, Cut Out Bin Editior in Chief T.J.
Swoboda will begin his ten-year sentence on a
1/4 square mile island in the South Pacific.  A
jury of his metallic peers handed down this
punishment after he was heard reciting the
lyrics to Poison's "Talk Dirty to Me" to a
coworker.
     "After I beat the shit out of him some,"
the aging 80s thrash fan who turned T.J. in said,
"he fuckin' said he memorized the words to that
fuckin' poser song on MTV back in, like, fuckin'
'86 when he was, like, fuckin' 11.  I did some
stupid shit when I was 11, but he's almost
fuckin' 25 years old man, he claims to listen to
fuckin' METAL, and he STILL fuckin' knows the
words to that Posion shit?  Fuck that man, fuck
that."
     "I never said Posion were that great a
band," Swoboda meekly stated in his defense,
"I really don't know all the lyrics all that
well..."
     "YOU ORDERED THE CODE RED, DIDN'T YOU?"
The prosecutor, another 80s thrasher who became
a lawyer but was disbarred for chronic masturbation,
baggered him.
     "YOU'RE GODDAMN RIGHT I DID!  %You know I
never, I never seen you look so good/You never
act the way you should/But I like it...%"  The
parody webzine editor jumped up on the witness
stand and began singing.  He stopped and stood
there staring, realizing he had hung himself
Perry Mason style.

Editor in Chief T.J. Swoboda, pictured here with Slaughter's late, great
Tim Kelly in 1997.

     And so our illusrious Editor in Chief will
be out of touch for a decade, fucking Jenny
McCarthy in the warm surf (he sang her the song,
she fell in love with him and she's joining him
in his exile).  Yes, these dodgy thrashers think
it's a punishment.  Anyway, T.J. will be allowed
to take ten CDs with him, playable thanks to a
gasoline powered generator and weekly airdrops of
fuel.  For the record, he's taking:

1--Black Sabbath: Sabotage
2--Black Sabbath: Born Again
3--Black Sabbath: Mob Rules
4--Iron Maiden: Live After Death
5--Dream Theater: Metropolis Part II: Scenes from
	a Memory
6--Queensryche: Operation: Mindcrime
7--Metallica: Master of Puppets
8--Rainbow: Rising
9--Metal Church: Hanging in the Balance
10--Judas Priest: Unleashed in the East

ACTUNG!: What you just read is BULLSHIT!!! I made it up! Muchas gracias, merci boku,
yob tvoyu mat, kuti-kala wahhhalas...