The webzine your parents and all respectable journalists warned you about continues...

THE CUT OUT BIN Volume 1, Issue 4
The Jenny McCarthy/preacher's daughter issue

...Sorry knockoff of a sorry Onion knockoff!!! Seriously, if you want
metal-related humor, go to Infernal Combustion. They folded for a
couple months, and I did the first issue of this to cope with withdrawl.
I'm doing more just to annoy you. My goal is to be slightly
amusing. If you wanted funny, you've come to the wrong place.

You will find words such as shit, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, etc. in this webzine. If that's a problem, go to thechampion.org and plot the end of freedom
in America. (and find out what your town's teachers make, which is about all their site is good for...)

Oh, and please note the disclaimer at the end of each article:
ACTUNG!: What you just read is BULLSHIT!!! I made it up! Muchas gracias, merci boku,
yob tvoyu mat, kuti-kala wahhhalas...

Click here to email the asshole responsible for this mess

In this issue:
The Janick Gers Guitar Clinic Video
Korn do Metallica's homework.
Engelbert Humpherdink causes demon possession!
Editor in Chief Swoboda exiled for metal treason

TOP STORY

THE SEX,THE DRUGS,THE VIOLENCE,THE
HOLOCAUST REVISIONISTS BACKSTAGE(WELL,
NOT REALLY), THE SHOCKING TRUTH:
THIRD EYE BLIND AND MATCHBOX 20
ARE THE SAME BAND!
If You Thought They Sounded The Same, You Were
Right!

     Here at The Cut Out Bin, we don't usually
inform you about mainstream crap, let alone put
it on the cover.  However, we thought you, the
discriminating Cut Out Bin reader, would like
to feel sweet vindication in knowing that what
we brothers in true metal have known all along
is out in the open: Third Eye Blind and
Matchbox 20 are the same five guys using two
different names.
     "After our first album made it so big in
'96," Rob Thomas/Kevin Cadogan said with an
ashen face at the press conference where the
bomb was dropped, "We wanted to quickly follow
it up in less than a year for another quick
buck, but we didn't want the masses to get
sick of us right away, and after our fifteen
minutes is up send us back to working at
Michey D's.  So we decided to use a different
name, Third Eye Blind."

Matchbox 20/Third Eye Blind, exposed at last!

     Brian Yale/Airon Salazar added, "Those
two albums [Yourself Or Someone Like You
and Third Eye Blind] weren't exactly hard
to make.  They're basically twelve to
fourteen tracks of absolutely nothing.  I'm
as surprised as the next sensible guy that
anyone likes this shit."
     Paul Doucette/Michael Urbano commented, "The
crackers are too small for the meat, it's a
bludy catastrophe!  Oh, are we taking
questions now?"
     When Cut Out Bin Editor in Chief T.J.
Swoboda stood up on his turn and said, "You
know, you look a lot like Dave Mathews,"
Rob/Kevin bolted out of the room, saying, "Uh,
gotta go, my hampsters are going through ass
withdrawl..."

ACTUNG!: What you just read is BULLSHIT!!! I made it up! Muchas gracias, merci boku,
yob tvoyu mat, kuti-kala wahhhalas... And yes, I had to look in the liner notes in
my brother's CDs to make all that up. If I'd actually paid for any of that crap,
I'd have committed hari kari (note that I use the profane term "belly cutting" rather than
the polite "sipiku" and probably misspelled both) a hell of a long time ago.