JIM MATHEOS--"I FEEL LIKE A DORK!"
Prog-metal's original guitar god doesn't like
song he recorded 15 minutes ago

     Cut Out Bin Editor in Chief T.J. Swoboda paid
Fates Warning a visit in the studio recently, and
was immediately confronted with the answer to the
question that always comes up in any interview the
legendary band's phenomonal guitarist, Jim Matheos,
gives.
     "I recorded my guitar part for that song,
like, fifteen minutes ago man." Jim was saying
to Ray Alder and Mark Zonder as T.J. entered.
"I'd do it so much differently now; it's like
looking at a picture of yourself from fifteen years
ago, what you were wearing and how you acted, it
can make a lot of people feel kind of dumb, ya
know?"
     "But Jim," COB chief Swoboda said, fishing
for his recorder and realizing he'd left it in
the car.  "You just said you recorded your guitar
part for this song only fifteen minutes ago, not
fifteen years; this isn't Night On Brocken we're
talking about here."
     "Oh God, don't even get me started on that
trainwreck," Matheos replied, referring to Fates
Warning's awesome 1984 debut, as Ray hummed the
melody for "Soldier Boy."  "That album's even
worse than Disconnected!"

Jim Matheos, playing an awesome song that probably makes him
feel like a dork...

     "What?!  Disconnected was incredible, Jim!
Easily the best album of 2000."  T.J. replied.
     "I liked it too, while we were recording it.
But when we started rehearsing for the tour, I
realized how much differently I'd do it at that
point, and of course I'd do it a completely
different way now.  I just feel like such a dork,
looking back on myself the way I was, whether it's
fifteen minutes or twenty years ago.
     "How's that mix coming, Bones?" Jim turned to
face the soundboard.
     Dr. McCoy turned, looking confused.  "Dammit,
Jim, I'm a doctor, not Terry Brown!"  A pimply-
faced, 30-year old Trekkie happened by and said,
"DeForest Kelley?  I thought you were dead.  Can
I, uh, jerk off in your presence?"
     "I'm old school, kid, 'long as you call it
'jacking off.'"
     "Oh."  The loser sadly bowed his head and
walked on.
     Down the hall, Jon Bon Jovi was stealing
Cinderalla's groupies, and in nearby rehearsal
rooms Run DMC and Aerosmith were banging on the
wall trying to quiet each other.  Ray and Mark
just shook their heads as Ray flipped opened a
communicator.  "Two to beam up."

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